“Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.”
Have you had any storms in your life recently? I know I have. When I saw this quote I thought it was really cool, because it helped me see a different picture of the storms I was facing.
They really can clear your path! That or show you a completely different one. 2020 felt like a big storm for me, as I’m sure it was for a lot of people.
I learned several lessons from it though.
Covid-19 went from separating my family, friends and I to bringing us closer together. And I am so grateful for that. We learned how to come together and love each other more because of a world-wide virus!
He provides for our every need and a lot of the time even our wants! Though it might not be right when we want them – sometimes we have to be patient and wait. And sometimes He gives us something better than what we wanted!
We just have to trust Him to provide for us and to give us strength. Trusting Him isn’t always easy. I almost feel like it takes practice. Sort of like something you have to train yourself to do.
It’s like faith, for instance. We talked about what faith is once at the Bible study I go to. One of my friends said, “I have faith that this chair won’t break when I sit down on it.” It’s a belief. But also, “Faith without works is dead.” It is action. If we have Faith in God, and it is shown through how we believe and how we act, then ultimately we also trust Him. So I think faith is just that. It is trusting God and acting on that belief that He is our heavenly Father. A Being that we want to respect and love, just like He loves us.
I feel like these past couple of years have tested a lot of Christian’s faith. For me, in 2020, I had to quit the job I thought I needed and trust God to take care of me in the meantime. And He did! I didn’t have a job for about six months, but I was still able to pay for my two sponsor kids and live with my parents – without a real source of income and very little money. I really didn’t want to get a job, as my friend (at the time) and I were trying to get our online business going, but after much prayer I eventually got one. And about nine months later I got an even better job, one with a great atmosphere, higher paying income and wonderful coworkers!
The last few months have been rough for me too though. I’ve had to hardcore trust in God, trusting that He knows what He is doing. My two closest best friends decided not to be friends with me anymore. I got my first boyfriend, and within two months, he dumped me (because of my faith). And then my grandpa, who wasn’t a believer, died somewhat suddenly. Also, my beloved cat, Imogen, disappeared never to be seen again.
I was extremely hurt and confused. What had I done wrong to deserve this? All that happened pretty much at the same time or within a few months of each other! I had been told extremely hurtful things like: “I’m happy with who I am and I won’t change.” (i.e. not become a believer in the wonderful God I know). Also that meant, I don’t need you in my life. “We can still be friends.” But no effort was made to be friends. I tried. I still messaged. He would respond, but never messaged me first. So I stopped. He didn’t seem to really want to be friends with me.
I was also told that I “was just someone I grew up with. A childhood friend.” that, in regard to my two best friends being better friends with each other and not being friends with me anymore, “we like being around each other more than we liked you.” They didn’t want me in their life. None of them. The three of them weren’t there for me when my grandpa died either… I was shocked. I seemed to be meaningless to them.
Thinking about all the fun I’ve had with those people that decided to leave my life, hurts so bad whenever I think about it. And it seems like they don’t think they did anything wrong. That what they did was fine… That I should be fine despite all of what had happened. And that hurts too.
One of my friends recently told me that it’s okay to mourn the loss of a friendship. That losing a friendship (especially one that I’ve had for 5-18 years, or my first boyfriend) is like that person has died. Well, the relationship has died. And for some reason, that relieved me. It was okay to feel the pain that I felt. Though I still shouldn’t dwell on it. Nor blame myself for what happened. I am not perfect, so I’m sure that I could’ve done something better. But I did try. I did try to fix what was broken. Now all I can do is pray. Pray that those who I was close to change and maybe realize how they have hurt me. It could be years. It could be never. All I pray for is that God’s will be done, and that I get to see them someday in heaven if we can’t be friends again.
The cool thing is, I still have other awesome friends that love me and care about me! And awesome coworker/friends that I can look forward to seeing at work and also hanging out with every now and then. I have a family that loves me. As well as many other things that God has blessed me with. And when I think of it that way, even though I REALLY miss those people and having them in my life, I’m thankful for the time I got to spend with them. It’d be a lie for me to say I’m not still hurting because of them though. I’m doing my best to forgive and let go. Move on. Let God do what He is doing. Bringing me into a new chapter of my life 🙂
I’m learning to trust Him even if I start running out of money. Even if I’m not able to move out right when I want to. Even when I’m not doing what I thought I’d be doing at this time in my life. Even when He takes precious people out of my life that I thought were going to be there forever.
Hard is an understatement for what I’ve had to go through, but I know that there is a reason behind why all of this is happening the way it is. I know that God is with me, caring for my every need, and I believe that someday I will know why all of this happened the way it did. For now, I just have to follow the path that has been laid out for me and have faith in Him.
Do you relate to any parts of my story? Let me know in the comments below!
Bye for now, have a wonderful day!